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from Natural Life magazine,
January/February 2010 Q: My unschooled six-year-old daughter has just started to “love” another six-year-old boy. His mom has caught them kissing recently and has told her son that he’s not to do this anymore for moral reasons. I explained to my daughter that although there’s nothing wrong with it, she should respect their rules and not kiss him. Soon after this, I found them lying on top of each other embracing on the floor. I mentioned to both that I don’t think his mom would approve so they should not do it again. Could you please discuss what behaviors one should expect/allow at different ages of sexual development as well as what should raise a red flag? Also, do you have any opinions as to what we should discuss with our children and when? A: Smile and enjoy your daughter. Children’s innocent experiments with romantic behaviors are not really romantic. They are not any different than pretending to be a fireman or a dancer. They like to try things on. Your daughter likes her friend and believes that, “This is the love that comes with kissing.” Another mother told me that when she was six, she had a boyfriend for a whole year. This was in a boarding school and they not only hugged, walked hand in hand and kissed but also decided that they would get married. Well, no; this boy did not grow up to be the father of her children and the friendship ended when she moved away from that school at the end of the year without any emotional difficulty. She just moved on and that story was over. It is not your daughter’s responsibility to comply with the boy’s mother’s rules when the mother is not even present. Yet, it is kind of you to point out to your daughter that the mother has a problem with their kissing and to reassure her that you don’t. I also appreciate your respect of that mother’s preferences. I am wondering, for the future, what would happen if you didn’t intervene, not even by suggesting to accommodate the other mother’s rules. I think whatever unfolds would then be authentic and . . . To read the rest of this article, subscribe to Natural Life's online edition, which provides PDF access to this and every other back issue since 2003. Naomi Aldort is the author of, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Parents from around the globe seek Aldort’s advice by phone, in person and by listening to her CDs and attending her workshops. Her advice columns appear in progressive parenting magazines in Canada, USA, AU, UK, and translated to German, French, Hebrew, Dutch, Japanese, Chinese, Indonesian and Spanish. She is married and a mother of three. Her youngest son is fourteen-year-old cellist Oliver Aldort (see www.OliverAldort.com.) Her middle son is seventeen year old composer and self made pianist Lennon Aldort, (see www.LennonAldort.com.) For more information about Naomi, visit her websites at www.NaomiAldort.com or at www.AuthenticParent.com. |
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