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from Natural Life magazine,
November/December 2009 Q: When my children, ages eight and five, have money, they are always eager to spend it. They usually spend it all without much consideration about what they are buying. They already have so many things that I think it would be great if they save their money until they find something really special. I don’t give them an allowance, but I do provide them with ways to earn money (selling items at craft fairs and markets). I’ve read that children need to have their own money in order to learn how to make wise spending choices, however the choices they are making go against my belief in frugality and simple living. Do you have any advice? A: Does the fledgling fly before it has feathered wings? Does the caterpillar take off inside the cocoon? Does the child have to learn to drive as a child? Children don’t need to use their own money in order to learn to make wise choices as adults. They may, but there is no educational need for it. Personally, I would rather have youth get into money much later, when they have a real service to offer and they do so of their own initiative for a real need. Many of us grew up without earning and buying as children, and are wise and responsible with money. A child cannot grasp the possible long term negative impact of shopping. As parents, we are here to protect children from addiction to shopping and dependency on products. In addition, the child is unaware of the harm to the planet that is caused by overconsumption. Indeed, young children cannot resist the illusions set up so well by marketers. You wouldn’t send your child into the lake before she knows how to swim; you would hold her and provide a life jacket. Make sure your children have a “life jacket” in the commercial world or spare them the experience until they have the muscles for it. Therefore, if your children want to shop, they need tools to navigate the overwhelming market of seduction and since your children don’t have these tools yet, they need your direct involvement and guidance. Many parents limit the amount of toys their children have and exclude their children from the experience of shopping, to protect them from being focused on consumerism. This may be a path you want to take. Your children’s desire to spend all their available money is natural for their ages. Indeed, saving money is not natural for children, because they exist in the present and do not have a concept of “future.” Our children’s first gift money was spent on endless little toys from an import store. They regretted it later and that was a learning experience for them. We offered to hold Grandma’s future birthday money for them until they had a real need for it. They were happy with this arrangement and kept it until they were much older, at which time they had bank accounts and were competent with money decisions. Sharing Your Values Consider modeling your values in a way that is visible to your children, like giving money to street musicians and the homeless, or participating in fundraising activities. My youngest son has participated in a few fundraiser concerts and donated concerts in retirement homes. Rather than the money being the goal, the money can be the means for a greater purpose of giving rather than getting. If your children are interested in experiencing real money, they can pay (with your money) at the farmers’ market for local real food. Engage them in being selective and avoiding unnecessary fake foods and products in plastic and cardboard containers. In this way, you model and share your values with them and, in a few years, they will have the ability to make wise choices on their own. Consumerism not only destroys our lovely planet, but also our joy of Nature and the ability to enjoy life, free of dependency on things. Natural life, our creative and artistic minds and our human connections bring us by far more joy than any gadget we can ever possess. Teaching Themselves Children learn best when they initiate their own experience through play; they don’t need us to orchestrate their learning. When left on their own, children create pretend money and they do business with each other. Such play is the best learning tool and it is free of the brainwash of real shopping. In addition, by inventing their own money system, children discover the way money is created and understand that there is no real value to the papers or coins. They decide the value of their play money and learn to measure effort, time and other qualities. These are the real tools they will need with money as they grow up. Industry and Children Corporations love for you to “train” your children to become dependent on toys, gadgets and fake foods. Not only are children targeted directly with ads, but notice all the educational ads and mainstream articles seducing parents to involve children with money and toys. The marketers are eager to get children to want more and to ensure the next generation of consumers. Many of today’s toys and even books are made with a built-in advertisement of the next toy. My inclination is to protect children from these marketing forces. With my children I did my best to soften the “blow” and minimize the focus on money. I did not provide allowance, monetary rewards or opportunities to earn money before the child could provide a service on his own initiative and with a real skill. I also minimized toys and shopping, avoided taking my children to stores and did not play the shopping game on holidays or birthdays. This game is perpetuated by the industry for financial gain. There are many other ways to give, to make gifts at home from natural or recycled materials and to celebrate with real life experiences (time) rather than material goods. Our children’s paths may be of interest to you. At age eleven, Yonatan was paid by a mother to play with her toddler while she was working at home (he saved the money.) At the same age, he also did volunteer work at the local hospice. For the most part, he didn’t earn money until his late teen years. Now a college student, he does volunteer work with youth in prison, as well as a variety of jobs. His brother Lennon was not interested in making money until he needed it at age seventeen. At that time, he offered to teach and fix people’s computers and he is still doing that along with his music performances and CD sales. Our youngest, Oliver, has earned money giving concerts and saved most of it. And, as I said earlier, he has also participated as a musician in fundraisers and free concerts. Each child is different; when free to evolve in their own time and way, their competence with money comes from a personal self-initiated direction. Honesty The truth is that your children don’t earn money yet and they know it. You buy the materials for the crafts and those who buy them often do so as a favor. Without the pretense, you can give them money and stay involved with what they purchase or you can provide for their needs without their involvement. They do not need earning or shopping experience at these ages. If they enjoy crafts, why teach them to do so for a gain? Let them make them for the joy of it. Offer natural ways of having a good time on market day, such that there is no impact on the environment. Nurture their joy of Nature, simplicity and creativity by offering experiences that require no toys, gadgets or money. Focus on love, affection and togetherness as the sources of true happiness. Your children will learn about money on their own and when they value love, connection, creativity and Nature, they will use it wisely. Naomi Aldort is the author of the highly acclaimed book “Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.” Her advice columns are published in progressive parenting magazines worldwide and she offers counseling internationally by phone/ Skype regarding all ages. She is married and the mother of three. If you have a question you’d like Naomi to consider answering in this column, please email it to her at naomi@aldort.com. However, she regrets that, due to the large volume of mail received, she is unable to provide individual responses to these questions. For further information, about Naomi’s work, including products, counseling and her free email newsletter visit www.authenticparent.com. This is one of a limited number of articles from Natural Life magazine that are available on this website for free. 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