Q: My younger son is often teased by his teenaged sister and then he teases
his younger brother. I don’t want the children to get hurt but no matter what I
say, they don’t stop. How can I help them to stop name calling?
A: Your desire to stop the teasing is natural. Yet, teaching children to
control the offender makes them weak and dependent on others for their
happiness. Instead, consider empowering your children in the face of the
teasing.
Amazingly, as we will see later, a peaceful response disarms the offender
because his attack has no receiver. The point is not to manipulate the offender,
but to truly and unconditionally stay at peace.
Your children will encounter harsh words throughout their lives. Do you want
them to shrink from such words or to stay connected and content? You can’t stop
the rain but you can take a raincoat, stay at home or enjoy getting wet.
Children can be content and powerful no matter what anyone says...if our
responses model such peace.
There is an old Zen story that demonstrates how to welcome whatever comes your
way “without blinking an eye:” A warrior came to a temple seeking the old Zen
master who stayed alone after all the villagers fled in fear. . . .
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Naomi Aldort is the author of, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Parents
from around the globe seek Aldort’s advice by phone, in person and by listening
to her CDs and attending her workshops. Her advice columns appear in progressive
parenting magazines in Canada, USA, AU, UK, and translated to German, French,
Hebrew, Dutch, Japanese, Chinese, Indonesian and Spanish. Naomi is married and a
mother of three. Her youngest son is 15-year-old cellist Oliver Aldort:
www.OliverAldort.com. Her middle son is 18-year-old composer and self made
pianist Lennon Aldort: www.LennonAldort.com. For Naomi’s free newsletter,
information on teleclasses, phone sessions and products, visit
www.NaomiAldort.com or www.AuthenticParent.com.