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from Natural Life magazine,
November/December 2008 Spacing Children's Births Q: My child is 15 months old and I am thinking of getting pregnant again. I hear of giving birth close together so the children can be friends. I also hear that it is initially very difficult. I’d like to space my children for ease and peace for all. Can you shed light on this dilemma? A: All spacing possibilities are filled with wonder and there is no one right answer. What I will try to do in this column is shed light on the nature of raising children close together or far apart, so you can make a choice with these specifics in mind. Most parents have children between one to four years apart, so I will start with the nature of seven years apart, which is less common, yet much easier. My mother tells a sweet story: One day she was holding my darling baby brother and kissing him. When she noticed that I was gazing intently she asked, “Are you jealous?” “Yes,” I responded, “I want to kiss him too.” My brother and I were best of friends and are still very close with each other and our families. I was seven years old when my brother was born. A seven-year-old does not see a baby as competition, but as an adorable being to enjoy and nurture. She sees a baby as an addition to her life rather than a threat to her primary relationship with mom or dad. A seven-year- old or older doesn’t see herself as a baby who was replaced but more as being mom’s friend and partner in having the baby. She is not with the baby sharing mom, but with the mom sharing the baby. Depending on the child, this may be true at age six or not until a couple of years later. Spacing close together, however, has its benefits and joys to consider. There are no mistakes and no one right away. Although a young child may not be inclined to give up her needs, if reality dictates and with supportive parents, she will draw from it the lessons that will shape and strengthen her. Depending on the children, on the parents and on how many children you raise, all possibilities are right. Spacing for Ease and Peace Your particular question is about planning for a second child with the idea
of maximizing ease and peace. There are many other factors that impact the
experience of bringing a second child into the family, not the least of them
being your own attitude. But the more likely condition for ease and calm in the
nuclear family is a space of seven years or more. To read the rest of this article, subscribe to Natural Life's digital edition, which includes access to this and other back issues. Naomi Aldort is the author of the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Parents from around the globe seek her advice by phone, in person and by listening to her CDs and attending her workshops. Her advice columns appear in progressive parenting magazines in Canada, USA, Australia, the UK, and are translated to German, French, Hebrew, Dutch, Japanese, Chinese, Indonesian and Spanish. She is married and a mother of three. Her youngest son is 14-year-old cellist Oliver Aldort, whose website is www.OliverAldort.com. Her middle son is 17-year-old composer and self-made pianist Lennon Aldort, whose website is www.LennonAldort.com For a free newsletter, information on teleclasses, phone sessions and products by Naomi, visit www.NaomiAldort.com or www.AuthenticParent.com. |
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