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from Natural Life Magazine, July/August, 2008 John Holt’s
overriding message in his pioneering book How Children Learn (Classics in Child Development) Coming face-to-face with the realization that I actually had to learn how to trust myself was probably the most unexpected revelation of motherhood for me. Nothing prepared me for the learning that would take place alongside my rite of passage into motherhood. The enormity and the pace of it has been exponential, catapulting me headlong onto the steepest learning curve of my life! Notwithstanding the sheer volume of childrearing data and anecdotal evidence already available, I soon discovered that it was ultimately my responsibility, both to my children and to myself, to make good parenting choices. I had to trust myself to sift through the barrage of information and make wise decisions regarding my children. I am eternally thankful for the wisdom of the lactation consultant, Johanna, in our breastfeeding support group when my first daughter was born. “You are your child’s best advocate,” she said repeatedly, trying to instill self-confidence in us new moms. Mainly, she was addressing the difficulties and uncertainties we were experiencing as nursing moms in a bottle-feeding culture, but her wise words have continued to serve me well in all areas of mothering. Looking back over the past eight years of motherhood, I recognize a pattern of learning which, if not exactly forced upon me, was certainly thrust upon me, as I navigated my way through the various stages. It’s as if each stage wisened me up, toughened me up even, in readiness for graduation to the next stage. In the words of the Greek philosopher Aristotle, “What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing.” Having swum against the proverbial tide from the start in my parenting, I have placed myself well outside of what’s considered the norm in our society, and often find motherhood a constant battle of wits against those who think they know what’s best for me and my family! Those supposed experts – who stand in judgment, ready to pounce on my every move that doesn’t meet with their approval – threaten to render me defenseless in the face of attack. Ever the optimist, though, I am sure that the external pressure I’ve had to overcome and the sometimes painful life lessons I’ve learned have given me the confidence and strength I need to be true to myself in how I raise my children. There is one particular incident that epitomizes the developmental leap in my self-understanding and in my deeper understanding of others, although at the time the incident occurred, I was too frazzled and upset to see it as anything but another nail in the coffin of my desire to follow my heart in mothering. We were staying with my parents- in-law for a few days and my daughter Grace was in full toddler flight.... To read the rest of this article, subscribe to Natural Life's online edition.
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can be
condensed into one very simple concept: Trust children. He explains, however,
that we adults find this difficult because “to trust children we must first
learn to trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could
not be trusted.”
